Summary: Sequel/ Companion piece to the one written by suborbital which can be found here. I must insist that you read it first, and if you have read it already, read it again before you read mine. This was written in response to hers, from Peter's point of view, and she did not know that I had written it.
Dedication: This is for suborbital for quite a few reasons, and it is also being posted because of her. Otherwise I would have been forced to see this sorry work posted by her, so I had no choice. :P So any and all flames, please post to her journal. Thankee! ;) (j/k Sub. I luff you!) I would also like to thank her, because she edited for me. :)
My name is Peter Pevensie. Once upon a time I was King Peter the Magnificent. You probably do not believe me. I do not blame you. It was a fantastical life. A fantastical experience. Something I wished had not ended.
But it did.
Two times I ventured into that land. To that magical land where animals talked. A land where I ruled along with my valiant and gentle sisters, and of course, my just brother. Now, if there is anything to know about my brother, it is that he refuses to acknowledge just how valuable he is. To be certain, he was the greatest of us there.
I suppose I never told him enough, and the few times I may have hinted at it, he quickly cast it aside as quickly as he cast aside a girl's coat so many years ago. But he was. He had gone through the greatest hardships, the greatest trials, and had aspired so that, in the end, I believe, he became the greatest King and asset to Narnia, save for Aslan himself. Sure, Susan and Lucy were wonderful, smart, talented, beautiful, everything a Queen should ever be. But there were none like my brother. There were none who carried themselves with such a quiet dignity, who had such a commanding presence tempered with soft gentility and wonderfully acerbic wit. None had it. None could have it. None could be my brother. He was my closest companion, my greatest friend, my brother, my King, among so many other things. He was, to be honest, everything to me. And one could not help but feel better than they were in his presence. For me, he seemed to know how to make me feel like I was greater than myself, greater than my sins and my guilts. He could shrug my worries away just like that girl's coat. Everything seemed so easy when you were with him. So simple. Just one smile, one comment, and it was as though fears and worries did not exist.
That was Edmund.
The time in Narnia passed all too quickly, more quickly for me than for Edmund. Twice I had been to that wonderful land, yet unable to venture back with my brother the third and final time he went. Words could not describe the jealousy that welled up within me when they returned in the blink of my eye, with tales of a new adventure in a land I missed so much. Words cannot describe the jealousy that welled within me, when I heard that, instead of me, it was our cousin Eustace who took my place at Edmund's side.
But all too soon that was tempered as well. Tempered because, even though we had returned to dreary England, Edmund and I remained inseparable. Things had changed between us in Narnia. And though we were no longer in Narnia, he was still my closest companion, my brother, my best friend, my equal, my everything.
Not a day went by when we did not sit together at the same spot for breakfast. Not a day went by when we did not share our tales, or play tennis together. Not a day went by when Edmund and I were separated by more than classes at school. But all too soon, even that had changed. I bear the guilt and grief of it even now, because the only person who could make all my sins disappear, is the one person I betrayed.
It has been over a year, my first year at University nearly complete. One would think, that after entering a new school, and being constantly busy, that there would be nothing more to think of. But I did. There was always something tickling at the back of my mind, something that turned into a full slap in the face. The full enormity of my betrayal hit me as I ate breakfast one morning. Perhaps it was instinct, perhaps it was my conscience, but I turned to speak to Edmund-
-and he was not there.
And he had not been there for a long time. Nor would he ever be here. This was University, not Boarding School. And I was no longer the Peter I used to be. I was Peter the Betrayer, not Peter the Magnificent. And to me, there was nothing worse than that. Now you may ask, why I betrayed him in the first place. To be honest, I cannot give you a straight reason. You can ask, why did I leave my brother and find a new friend in Daryl? Until recently, I probably could not give you the answer that hit me as hard as it did that day at breakfast.
This was all before I left for University, back when Edmund and I still went to Boarding School together. Daryl was my age. He was good at tennis, and he knew how to make me laugh. He was new, he was different. I guess perhaps I latched onto that, branching out, seeking something new. That was the worst of my betrayal, that I would do it in the first place. But, to my shame, I did it. I cannot deny it. I left my brother behind, left him until he eventually left me. Sure, Daryl was a great friend, but quite often, I found myself saying that something was not quite right with him.
Not that he was hiding something. But when I would expect one thing, he would do the other. When I said one thing, his answer would not be what I expected. It was as though everything was just slightly off. And all too soon, those differences became apparent.
I'm usually a bright student. I get good grades, I follow my studies. But nothing, nothing studied could ever prepare even the brightest of students for being blind to what is before them for so long.
Daryl...was not Edmund.
Nothing was off with Daryl. It was off with me. I would expect one thing, because it is what I expected Edmund to do. I would expect a certain response, because I was expecting the sarcastic response my brother would give to me. But this was not Edmund.
I had tried to mold my new friend into my brother. Without even thinking. Call me pathetic, but it took me over a year to realize what I had done. I had left my greatest friend and closest companion, only to try and find a copy of him in another. But as I stated earlier, no one could be Edmund. There was only one Edmund. There was only one Just king in my life.
...and I had left him.
It was as though everything had suddenly clicked into place. Why my world continued to be seen at a constant skew, slightly off balance, never quite right. Because everything was not right. Nothing would be quite right, unless Edmund was by my side. Nothing would ever be quite right, unless my brother were there to tilt my skewed world back into balance.
My name is Peter Pevensie. And my greatest friend is my brother Edmund.
I still remember that day, the day my betrayal was felt full force. But if there is one thing I know, it is what my just brother taught me once in Narnia. Never give up that which you do not want to lose.
It may have taken me quite a while to realize it, but I did not want to lose my brother. I did not want to lose the truest friend, the one who knew me the most, the one who brought me the greatest joy. I did not want to lose Edmund. And even though I was late, I was not going to give him up, no matter what the cost.
My name is Peter Pevensie. And I am going to get my brother back.